Living with a chronic illness can feel like arriving at the starting line to discover that everyone else has trainers, a full night’s sleep and a body that mostly does what it is told, while you have a folder of test results and one that has decided to improvise.

It is exhausting, unfair and often invisible, especially when you look perfectly well to someone who cannot see how much effort it took just to get out of the house.

Most People with Chronic Illness Are Already Doing Enough

Most people living with chronic illness are getting on with their lives as best they can.

They work, raise families, make plans, cancel plans when their bodies object, and generally manage an impressive amount without asking the entire room to pause and applaud.

What they need from the world is fairly modest: listen when they say something is difficult, respect their limits, and do not make them submit a twelve-page defence of why they need to sit down.

This article is not about them.

It is about the occasional person who has decided that being ill gives them permanent permission to treat every receptionist, nurse, waiter, relative and passing stranger as personally responsible for their suffering.

I am sorry life dealt you a difficult hand, but the woman answering the phone did not shuffle the deck, and shouting at her will not persuade your body to reconsider its choices.

Be angry, by all means.

Blame your genetic pool, the environment or whichever ancestor passed down a tendency for your body to produce new and unwelcome symptoms.

Blame the waiting room television, which has been playing the same property programme since 2008.

There is plenty to be angry about, but not every person you meet is the customer service department for the universe, and a delayed reply does not automatically mean somebody has failed to grasp the historic importance of your Tuesday afternoon.

A Bad Day Is Not a Personality Trait

I have met people dealing with pain, uncertainty and treatment schedules that would require a project manager, who still finds the energy to ask the person helping them how their day is going.

I have also met people who interpret “the doctor is with another patient” as an outrageous breach of their constitutional rights.

Illness does not decide which of those people you become, although a bad day can make any of us less charming than we would like.

The question is what you do after a bad day, preferably once you have stopped drafting your complaint to the concept of time.

The frustrating part is that this behaviour spills over onto everyone else living with chronic illness.

The person who is working well, managing their condition and asking for one reasonable adjustment can end up rehearsing an apology before making the request, because they are worried they will be seen as demanding.

They should be able to say:

“I can do the job, but I need this limit respected.”

Without anyone rolling their eyes or treating accommodation as a personal favour granted by the king.

And before the healthy population settles into a comfortable little nod, you are included too. A sore toenail does not become a national emergency because you have mentioned it in three group chats and booked yourself an imaginary bed in intensive care.

If something concerns you, get it checked; just give the clinician a chance to examine the toe before asking whether your family should be notified.

You Deserve Respect. So Does Everyone Else.

None of this means you should accept poor care or keep quiet when something is wrong.

Speak up.

Ask questions.

Explain what you need and expect to be treated with respect.

The same respect, inconveniently, extends to the other people in the conversation.

Even the receptionist.

Especially the receptionist, who has somehow remained polite through four hours of being blamed for a consultant’s calendar.

At Serenity, we will listen, take your concerns seriously and help you navigate the parts of healthcare that seem designed to test your remaining patience.

We will also be honest with you, because good advocacy does not require us to declare war on a receptionist who has offered you the first available appointment.

You deserve respect whether you are living with a chronic illness, dealing with a worrying new symptom or simply trying to get through a difficult week.